28.4.09
Does anyone have a child that is different? Not just different in liking strawberry milk best when everyone else likes chocolate, I mean different in the most obvious and often painful sense. The kind of different where a mom wants to open her heart and let her child climb inside where he will be safe and loved, where life is easy no one will tease or hurt them. That kind of different.
My oldest just turned 9. I cannot believe he is that old. Where did the time go? He is an amazing person. So smart and funny, so sweet and caring, so creative and bright. But he also struggles with ADHD and Asperger Syndrome. It can make life a little bumpy. He has a tough time keeping his thoughts, both good and bad, to himself. He has a tough time hanging on to friends. He has a tough time remembering how much space a person needs or how much people don't like to be constantly interrupted, or that a loud voice isn't the best way to communicate. He wants to fit in and be "cool," but it's rough. It's rough for him and it's rough for me.
As a mother, I struggle everyday with what is best. Public school or home school. Medication or not? Art lessons or Karate lessons. Labeling him or letting him find his way on his own. Do I talk to his teachers and risk having him branded as "different" before the year has even begun, or do I let them come to me with concerns and then slowly fill them in on a need to know basis. Do I tell my neighbors and friends? Do I ask for a little extra tolerance from his primary teachers and cub scout leaders? Do I shield him from the evil of this world until he is more mature and ready to take them on or do I let him learn these lessons now?
Sometimes I want to hang a sign around his neck that says "be nice to me, I am a work in progress, but I will get there." He is learning and growing. He is getting more and more comfortable with himself and social situations, but it is a slow process. There will be lost of ups and downs along the way. He is different in many ways, but the one place he is exactly the same as any other person on this earth is he wants to love and be loved. He wants to play and have fun with friends, he wants to be accepted.
As mothers, we have the biggest influence on how our children will view the world. Thank you to those who have taught lessons of not only tolerance, but acceptance to your children. Small things are worth so much in today's world of ugliness. We are so lucky to live in an era where tolerance and respect are not only expected, but required. Looking to the past for examples on how those who were different were treated can be shocking.
I know my son will grow to become a wonderful person. He has a brilliant mind and a caring heart. I know he will face great challenges along the way, but I do believe they will only make him stronger. I also know he will teach me so much more than I could ever teach him. Thanks to family and friends who help make this road a little smoother. Thanks to understanding teachers and leaders who take him under their wing and help him learn to fly. Thanks to those who listen to me cry and complain when it has been an unusually hard day. And most of all, thanks to my son for teaching me so much and helping all of us grow a little every day.
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You are one of those "elect" ladies. I admire you in so many ways! I know I am usually crass in my comments, but today I am being sincere!
I love that you are able to put your feelings aside and stand up for your kiddos. If you didn't do it, no one would..and you rise to the occasion. I think your 9 year old will praise your name forever (once he understands how much you have done for him)
You are my best friend and a wonderful example to me..and, I like your kids too!
I read a comment from a mother of an autistic child who said "We all have our own rocks to carry in life, so don't judge how heavy someone else's backpack is to yours" (total paraphrase), but it made me want to make a shirt that said "Carry your own rocks." just to remind us of one of my most core beliefs: every child is sent to the family (however they may receive them) that is the very best for that child.
So know that whatever choices you make for him will be the best b/c you are the best judge of what he needs.
Sorry you are having a bad day. I hope you feel better soon.
What a struggle. The tears and ache you must deal with. Kade is so very lucky to have you, and you him. How I wish you guys lived closer. He (and all of you) would be welcomed with open arms to our homeschool group. ;) We have a few Kades in our group and the kids are great with them . . . acceptance is huge around here.
Thank you for sharing such realness with us. I love talking with you and anytime you want to chat, you know where to find me. ;)
Thank you so much ladies for your kind words. It really does help a ton knowing that you have friends out there who support you. I have loved reading all your comments.
When you see your sweet baby continually bashing his/her head against a wall and making choices you don’t understand, it hurts your heart. When you know that nothing you can say or do can make them change; when you see them standing alone in the crowd, when other's impatience and lack of understanding seems unnecessarily cruel: these are the hardest times to be a mom. But these are the days when we’re needed the most. I believe that our strength and understanding, although sometimes hard to muster, are the foundations of a good self esteem and a happy and productive child. One day you can look back and say, “We survived that too.”
We love you guys!