15.9.08
I wasn't going to blog about this, but it has been stuck in my mind all weekend. I can't get it out of there. Maybe blogging about it will help.
On Friday, it was a lovely day so I decided to take Lucy for a walk around my neighborhood. I love my neighborhood. I feel very safe here and feel like my kids are safe here too. Lucy and I were having a fine time enjoying the beautiful day and the cool air.
We passed an older gentleman cutting down a tree in his front yard. I said hello and he said hello back. We got to chatting a little and I had a great time talking with him. He was 83 and had lived a very interesting life. I love to hear about "the olden days." He grew up on a farm and had all sorts of crazy stories that were pretty funny. I always am amazed at how much times have changed. He kept calling Lucy a cute little boy, even though she was dressed in pink from head to toe, including her stroller.
Later that day, I mentioned to a friend that I had met the nicest man and did she know anything about him. Turns out she did. He is a registered sex offender and his last charge was four years ago! That would have made him 79! This really, really upset me. Not because I live by him or I didn't feel safe any more or that I thought he was checking out my sweet baby, but because he was so nice and I was sucked right in to the conversation. Not a thought of anything sinister crossed my mind while we were talking. Not even a second of "hey, this guys a little weird."
We tell our kids, don't talk to strangers and be careful of anything suspicious, but this guy was NOT suspicious! He was sweet and funny. I also teach my kids to respect elderly people. I would have been proud of my kids if they would have offered to help him cut down his trees. That worried me to.
Now I am not saying this man is plotting some evil plan. I do not know anything as to why and what happened in his past. I don't know who it was or where it was or why it was or anything like that. But it did get me to thinking about my kids and strangers and how you never know what a person is all about. Am I too naive? But shouldn't we give people the benefit of the doubt? We can't be suspicious of everyone we run into. Otherwise this world would be such a dark and lonely place. I think for family home evening tonight, we will have a review on stranger danger and what is okay with adults and what is not. I guess I will tell them that really, really nice people can be not so nice sometimes. I will have to tell them to be careful of everyone you meet, no matter how sweet they seem. I hate that.
Renee
www.familywatchdog.us
Berenstain Bears Learn About Strangers
ADD TO YOUR COLLECTION!
“Bear Country is safe when every small cub there learns some special lessons from ma and papa bear.”
Brother discourages extrovert Sister from greeting every stranger she meets. When Papa tells the cubs why they should never talk to strangers, Sister begins to view all strangers as evil. This is conveyed by a full-page spread: the top half shows reality, the bottom half shows Sister's scary version. Then Mama brings some common sense to the problem by explaining the concept of the bad apples in every barrel, literally. A funny looking apple is fine on the inside, but a perfect looking apple is bad on the inside. Just as sister understands how to react, a stranger with a toy airplane almost causes the usually cautious Brother to go for a ride. Sister runs to tell her parents because she is concerned for Brother's safety. The Bears' rules for safe conduct among strangers are listed on the last pages, including a rule about the privacy of a bear's body. A good book to start awareness in young children.
Published in 1985, this is one of the most popular Bears titles of all time as it deals with a difficult subject but is not too scary for young children. There’s a short video clip of the book to be found at the Berenstain Bears movie theater.
To learn more about how to protect yourself or your cub for abuse or stranger danger, visit the Prevent Child Abuse America website.
Just my 2 cents.
I have a lot to say on this topic as a therapist, but I'll try to keep it to some short points--the gist is don't totally live in fear, but yes, be careful.
1. "Safe Side Superchick" is a wonderful DVD put together by the guy who does America's Most Wanted as well as the Baby Einstein people so they make talking about this topic serious but not too scary--they're good at keeping it light. We watching it 1-2 times a year as our very own "homeschool assemblies." :)
2. People always think "Stranger Danger." It's not always strangers.
3. People talk about good touch/bad touch. That's important BUT one of the ways perpetrators trick people is to talk about "secrets" (calling it "our little secret, so don't tell anyone") or to threaten the family if the victim tells. So, teach your children that there are NO secrets from Mom and Dad (Ever!) and keep communication lines WAY open. Be open and non-judgmental and approachable. And let them know that they can ALWAYS talk to you. Repeat that often. It makes me watch how I act/react to the kids--I always want them comfortable to talk with us. Always.
4. I know more and more people who are not allowing sleepovers of any kind as well as other things we all used to do as kids. It's so sad but yet you can't blame people. Talk to ANY person who has ever been in such a horrible situation and they'll tell you it wasn't worth the "fun" of a sleepover (or whatever).
5. Don't assume that people are safe because (fill in the blank--they're LDS, he's the bishop, she's a nice woman, etc.). I've had clients share awful things with me about relatives, stepparents, cousins, friends, neighborhood kids, etc. and I've also had people share how bishops violated them. Catholic Priests are in the news, but they're not the only ones. Our kids don't talk to clergy alone. Nope, no way. Not after what I've heard in my office. And we have no qualms about it.
So, again, it's balance--you can't live fully in fear. We don't live in bubbles and it's important to enjoy and have fun, too!! Always learn to know and follow your heart--people who are brave enough to think for themselves/follow their hearts/the spirit/God and not just follow what everyone else tells them to do tend to be pretty in tune. Trust yourself. We can be open and nonjudgmental yet cautious. It's very difficult, but good to talk about. Good for you for writing this post. Sorry for the long comment--hot button topic!! :P