2.3.10
This weekend I watched Adam, a movie dealing with the trials of living with Asperger syndrome. The main character, Adam, has Aspergers. A new neighbor, Beth, a neurotypical or NT (a person not on the autism scale) moves in to his building and they fall in love. The movie focus's on the challenges they have both together and with the rest of the world. I knew going in I would either love or hate this show....turns out I hated.
Here's why.
As many of you know, we have a child with Aspergers.
And what, you may ask, is Aspergers?
Aspergers falls on the autism spectrum. Unlike autism, symptoms of Aspergers don't usually manifest early. The average child is 7 when they are diagnosed. Ours was 8. Mostly it's a social thing, but there are other aspects too. Have you ever met someone who can talk forEVER about one single subject, uses large words that you don't always understand, speaks rather quickly without much expression and doesn't clue in to normal body language? Chances are you have just met and Aspie.
Aspergers falls on the autism spectrum. Unlike autism, symptoms of Aspergers don't usually manifest early. The average child is 7 when they are diagnosed. Ours was 8. Mostly it's a social thing, but there are other aspects too. Have you ever met someone who can talk forEVER about one single subject, uses large words that you don't always understand, speaks rather quickly without much expression and doesn't clue in to normal body language? Chances are you have just met and Aspie.
Of course, that just scratches the surface of what may or may not be present with an Apserger diagnosis. It is a complex, individualized diagnosis and no two Aspies are alike.
This is where my hate for the movie comes in.
I felt like they tried to cram every single piece of Aspergers into one single character and that just doesn't work. While working so hard to create a character that exemplifies all parts of AS, you lost the actual person inside.
It wasn't about a person living with AS, it was AS as a person.
So I started making a mental list of the in's and out's of our life dealing with AS. What did our world look like and how did it compare to Adam and Beth's?
Of course there is the negative. It comes with the territory and sometimes it can really kick your butt.
But there is so much positive too. Our son is brilliant. He has a nearly photographic memory, (except when it comes to those darn times tables) he is creative and imaginative. He can make anything out of paper or material and you should see what that kid can do with Legos. He hates death, it makes him very upset, even killing a bug can make him misty. He is such a great example to us all on how to appreciate all creatures. He loves and feels very deeply. He cannot lie. He tries, but it never goes well. He talked at 10 months, his spacial relations are off the charts and he knows more than I do about most things. (and he isn't afraid to point that little fact out.) He tries really hard to get sarcasm and humor and cracks us up everyday with his attempts to master them. You always know just where you stand with him and he accepts everyone for who they are without asking them to change.
The list of good is 100 times longer than the bad, but for some reason that seems to be all people focus on. The movie didn't even end happy. Beth decided she couldn't deal with all of Adam's quirks and she didn't feel loved enough so they part ways.
I think that made me the most angry of all. Just because someone doesn't come out and say "hey, I really love you" doesn't mean that they aren't saying it a million different ways. Adam told Beth he loved her a thousand times, but she never heard any of them. Silly Beth.
Having someone in the house with AS has taught us all to look for the little things, the subtle things that can express "I love you" without saying a word. And they are there, you just have to notice.
So boo to you Beth and Adam, you guys just don't get it. It isn't about how to live with Aspergers and still be a person, it's about being a person that loves science, is great at language arts, hates loud noises, doesn't always need a friend to be happy or is the world's pickiest eater. A person learning to get along with everyone, figuring out that people like personal space, trying new things even though they scare the bajeebers right out of you, and just wanting to fit in just like everyone else.
Truthfully, I am forever grateful that such a person lives in our home. When he was diagnosed, my world crashed down around me. Those of you who've been there in one way or another know the mourning process that must take place before you can pick yourself up and move on. Now, hopefully I am a better person, a better mother and maybe a better friend. Those around us can teach us so much more than we could ever teach ourselves, it's just a matter of taking the time to let them in and help us learn.
The list of good is 100 times longer than the bad, but for some reason that seems to be all people focus on. The movie didn't even end happy. Beth decided she couldn't deal with all of Adam's quirks and she didn't feel loved enough so they part ways.
I think that made me the most angry of all. Just because someone doesn't come out and say "hey, I really love you" doesn't mean that they aren't saying it a million different ways. Adam told Beth he loved her a thousand times, but she never heard any of them. Silly Beth.
Having someone in the house with AS has taught us all to look for the little things, the subtle things that can express "I love you" without saying a word. And they are there, you just have to notice.
So boo to you Beth and Adam, you guys just don't get it. It isn't about how to live with Aspergers and still be a person, it's about being a person that loves science, is great at language arts, hates loud noises, doesn't always need a friend to be happy or is the world's pickiest eater. A person learning to get along with everyone, figuring out that people like personal space, trying new things even though they scare the bajeebers right out of you, and just wanting to fit in just like everyone else.
Truthfully, I am forever grateful that such a person lives in our home. When he was diagnosed, my world crashed down around me. Those of you who've been there in one way or another know the mourning process that must take place before you can pick yourself up and move on. Now, hopefully I am a better person, a better mother and maybe a better friend. Those around us can teach us so much more than we could ever teach ourselves, it's just a matter of taking the time to let them in and help us learn.
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And,In case you didn't know, I sure love that Kaden and think that your are one amazing mom. He is lucky to have you, all of you.
Love you!
I think you should stick with your Science Fiction movies...the quotes from those make better T-shirts anyway :)
And...what is up with the A and B names...sounds very uncreative to me.. Adam likes Beth..I guess that is better than Adam and Eve..since the girl leaves Adam in the end. What would that do to religious fanatics if they named the girl Eve and she left Adam..holy cow! What a mess that would be.
BTW..wouldn't it be fun to make lables for everyone and stick it on their foreheads for everyone to see, this world would look very similar to the soup isle at the grocery store.
Aisle... and labels..
there I feel better
(& I quite like your label idea! but that's just the OCD talking)
Have you read the book "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime?" It's a story written from the perspective of a boy with . . . can't remember if it was autism or AS, but it was something spectrum! Anyway, it is VERY insightful to read a book written that way. It's a short little thing. I'd love to hear your thoughts on it.